Flavor Text: ClaWrite

This past Saturday, my gaming group got together for another session. As we were playing, the DM looked up at me and said, "Wait... You're playing a Dragonborn, right?"

"Umm... Yeah?"

"You're the only one that can read Draconic out of the group, right?"

After a short moment of everyone looking over their sheets, we did discover that this was true.

"...We'll have to get something figured out for you."

Later that day, I found out that my DM was looking for a way for me to read a note that was left on one of the enemies that we had killed without any of the other players knowing what it said. The wheels in my head started turning and I suddenly remembered a site from my high school days. I was lucky enough to find the site and am now passing it on.

It's called ClaWrite, and it's a "Draconic alphabet based on a 3x3 grid of straight strokes, which are very easlily made with the claws".

It's fairly easy to learn and write, and there are also TruType fonts available if you wanted to make player handouts for any PCs that speak Draconic, but you'd rather them relay the information rather than have them read it from the page.

It does add a fair bit of flavor to the game (as well as lets players stay in character). Try it out with your players and see what you think.

Andreas Darkstone, Darkstone Clan Founder

A seasoned adventurer, Andreas Darkstone has seemingly seen and been through everything he could imagine, and still wanted more. A sorcerer that also took to the sword quite well, he wanted to share his experiences with people that he could trust and were close to him. The dragonborn even started up his own adventuring company, the Darkstone Clan. At its peak, the Darkstone Clan had almost two dozen members and was a group known for lending assistance to a town in need in exchange for goods or a few nights in a bed. From mercenary work to monster hunts to dungeon delving, the clan did it all.

However, shortly after his son Arjhan had reached adulthood, the clan was ambushed as it left the town of Crosswinds. Lia escaped with Arjhan while Andreas and several other clan members tried to fight back. Most of those who fought were killed, and Andreas was left for dead. He was found by refugees of Crosswinds, soon discovering that the group that had attacked them was laying waste to towns they had just visited, finally making a decisive strike against the clan.

After healing his wounds, he started searching for the remnants of the clan, hearing the occasional rumor of a small group here and there. Not wanting to endanger the other members when he found them, he had a special ring crafted, making sure that he would remain disguised so long as he didn't attack anyone, as the magic from his spells would interfere with the illusion, showing him for what he truly is.

Andreas is known to keep a calm demeanor under all circumstances. He is somewhat nervous about staying in any one place for too long a period of time, rarely staying in a city for more than three days, as he is somewhat fearful of another disaster falling upon where he is at the time.

In combat, Andreas wields his falchion with deadly accuracy, having attuned the blade to be used as an implement to cast his spells through. He'll often lure his foes close with his disguise, then surprise them when the illusion drops and his Dragon Breath comes to bear on them. If opponents do close in on him, he uses the various powers of his magic items to teleport to safety, keeping them at range for his spells to do their work. Failing that, he wades into battle with his falchion, trying to cleave his foes.

Andreas Darkstone, Darkstone Clan Founder

Horrible Games: Where's Waldo?

That was the call I had put out on Twitter a few days ago. When I got a response for a game, I gave a little snicker as to the title. I remember that it was made, but never wanted to play it, mostly out of the frustration that the subject material for the game had given me in the past.

However, when I loaded the game up, I was not disappointed in having been provided a truly bad, horrific game. With that in mind, I'd like to simultaneously thank AND curse @icekitsune on Twitter for the suggestion.

Anyone that's put in pain by the images/words that are in this article, you can blame him (although you probably deserved it somehow).

This is as good as the graphics are gonna get, folks...

I load the game up, ready to begin the time-honored tradition of finding a needle in a haystack (or a white guy in a candy-striped outfit in the middle of New York/zoo/carnival).

He's behind the si-- Oh. Game hasn't started yet.

Game starts, and the obligatory "theme" of the story loads up. So at least we know where the game will end (we hope).

If a train runs through a forest and only Waldo's around, does anybody care?

So far this doesn't look too bad. It looks as if @icekitsune may have been completely wrong about this game. Little did I know that I haven't gotten to the actual gameplay. I eagerly await the foray into the train station when I'm presented with this:

Can YOU find the candy sprinkle that most resembles Waldo?

I let a full minute go by staring at the screen, wondering if the game had messed up before realizing that this WAS the actual game. Another minute went by as I tried to find out which speck of vomit on the screen was Waldo. The gameplay consists of taking your cursor (the white bracket box in the top-left corner of the screen) and hitting the A button when you settle over something that could quite possibly be Waldo. After I found him (by randomly jetting the cursor around and mashing the A button), I was done, only to be presented with ANOTHER area. I'd post that picture, but replace all of the white on the previous screen with brown (ironic, because by that time, I was getting tired of staring at shit, so they give me a screen that looks like nothing but). Moving on past that we get to "The Cave"...

I could find him and kill him in here, and no one would ever know...

Ever play a game of flashlight tag with your friends at night, only to realize after ten minutes that it was a bad game and you two could've been doing something productive? That's what I felt like about now. Again, with the help of your trusty cursor (acting as a very dim flashlight), you have to find Waldo in the pitch black of the cave, occasionally seeing him as he flashes on screen (presumably lighting up a cigarette to pass the time until some poor schmuck actually comes in to find his ass).

Slogging on through this crap, you come to a few more areas of "Find the Pixel at the Fairgrounds" and "Find the Pixel in the City", we come across another diversion, probably designed to keep children under the age of six from finishing the game.

About as good a map as you'll ever find of the NYC subway system.

The object of this one, from what I could glean, was to steer your bullet-like subway train through a series of tubes, run over a pair of glasses, then run over Waldo and escape before Homeland Security (the guy in blue with the cowboy hat) comes to arrest you and ship you off to Guantanamo Bay (quick aside, if they had made the Guantanamo inmates play this game, we would've had the info we needed YEARS ago).

Forcing myself to move on through another search, this time in a castle (I'm fairly sure the place was just a Medieval Times they rented out for the search), he gets to the Launch Pad! The game's over, right?

Tell us which man touched you, little Billy...

No! One more inane mini-game you have to go through! From the looks of things, they didn't know WHO was going to be in the shuttle, so you have to play a slot machine game to tell the ship to lift off, taking Waldo and his Norweigian Sex Slave outfit with him!

"Quick, Harold! He's outside! Hit the gas!"

And that's pretty much the entire game. You can get through it in about six minutes, which is about five minutes more than you need to decide that this game should've gotten the E.T. Treatment long ago.

It's a shame that current events happened as they did, though... I could see the format of the game staying the same, although with a more infamous "star"...

The List: Top Five Final Fantasy Villians

Final Fantasy has had it's fair share of bad guys. From lab-coat wearing nerds to giant creatures to octopi, the series is literally crawling with memorable (and not so memorable) villians.


With that being said, I've gone through all fourteen of the Final Fantasy games (yes, even FF VIII and FF XIII) to look at their foes to see which ones can top The List. These are the top five villians of Final Fantasy.

#5: Queen Brahne (Final Fantasy IX)

• Major Crimes: Mass Murder
• Minor Offenses: Wearing a robe six sizes too small

No, being morbidly obese isn't a crime, but Final Fantasy IX's Queen Brahne has done her fair share of evil. She helped to create an army of Black Mages to wage war against the world, had her adoptive daughter's (Garnet, AKA Dagger) summoning powers stripped away from her, then tried to have her executed.

None of that, however, compares to what she does later. First, she uses Odin, one of the eidolons (Final Fantasy's summons) to attack and destroy the city of Cleyra, killing hundreds there...

Then she uses another eidolon, Atomos, to suck up hundreds more in Lindblum. And those who weren't "fortunate" enough to get sucked into the eidolon's giant maw instead ended up falling into the sea.

All doesn't end well for Queen Brahne, unfortunately. When she summons Bahamut to try and kill her co-conspirator Kuja, he turns the massive eidolon against her and her army.

Was she more or less evil by the time she died? Yes, but sometimes you still have to feel sorry for the villian when they're killed.

#4: Golbez (Final Fantasy IV)

• Major Crimes: Genocide, Grand Theft, Kidnapping, Murder
• Minor Offenses: Operating a giant robot without a license

Final Fantasy IV was one of the first console RPGs I played, and I remember spending the better part of a year conquering this beast, even if the version that the US received was considered the "easy" one. Even so, the one constant in the game was Golbez. Just when it seems you start to get ahead of him, he shows up to ruin your day.

He's one of the few foes that gets off to an early start in the game. With the king of Baron as his puppet, he forces the Red Wings to steal Mysidia's crystal, then sends Cecil and Kain to the Village of Mist with a surprise present...

Then he uses the Red Wings again, this time to more or less wipe Damcyan from the map and steal its crystal. By this time, his body count is approaching that of Queen Brahne, but he's nowhere close to done. When he goes after the Wind Crystal in Fabul and finds Cecil there, he decides it's not enough to take the gem, but Rosa as well.

"But why kill all of those people to get the crystals?" you cry. "Shaddap and I'll tell you!" I respond. Once he gathers all of the crystals, he can finally enact one of the final phases of his plan: Powering up a giant robot to destroy the planet. You heard me. Giant. Robot.

Everything combined certainly cements his place as one of the top five villians in Final Fantasy history.

#3: Sephiroth (Final Fantasy VII)

• Major Crimes: Arson, Multiple Murders
• Minor Offenses: Being too creepy for his own good

What is there to be said about Sephiroth that hasn't been said? He's one of the Final Fantasy series' most memorable villians. In a series where nearly everyone has an oversized weapon, he proves it's not how many people you kill, it's who you kill.

First, he decides to go for a murderous stroll through the ShinRa building, killing any and all who stand in his way so he can get to his mother. But before he leaves, he makes one last stop, murdering the president of ShinRa (don't worry, he more than deserved it).

When you leave Midgar, you find out that you can't go across a swamp without a chocobo, otherwise a massive serpent called the Midgar Zolom will attack you. Do you think Sephiroth is going to stop to get a chocobo? Hell no! He proves that he doesn't need to run from an overgrown snake.

And we haven't even gotten to the screwed-up part yet! Years back, after doing some research in the town of Nibelheim, he decides he's gonna go nuts and burn the place to the ground.

And besides doing the things that Final Fantasy villians tend to do (murder, pillage, burn, vow to destroy the planet/humans), he does the one act that sets him solidly apart from any and every other villian in the series: He actually kills one of the characters you play in what has to be one of the most memorable scenes in video game history...

That's right... KILLS. As in no Phoenix Down to revive her, no spells from materia to bring her back, she's dead...

Dead...

DEAD!

Simply for a main character death alone, he's in the list. Add everything he's done to that point and after? It pushes him into video game legend as one of the best villians in all of gaming.

#2: ShinRa Corporation (Final Fantasy VII)

• Major Crimes: Arson, Mass Murder, Multiple and Various EPA Violations
• Minor Offenses: Making you take the stairs

Before the loads of hate mail come in for ShinRa being head of Sephiroth (hell, I'll probably get it for Sephiroth not being number one), you have to hear me out. This is a global company that, at the cost of the planet's life force, wants to provide power to everyone, even if that means there won't be anyone around to provide it to.

How serious are they about staying in the world domination/killing business? Their biggest problem is AVALANCHE, a group comprised of SIX MEMBERS. So how do they get rid of six people? Send in squads of soldiers to find and kill them? No, that would make sense. They decided that the most efficient way to kill a small group of people is to drop SEVERAL HUNDRED-THOUSAND TONS OF STEEL on them, not only killing them, but presumably the THOUSANDS of other people that were living under that section of the Midgar plate, not to mention the THOUSANDS more that were living on top of the plate.

Then later in the game, you find out that this wasn't the first time something like this has happened. Lead by one of the ShinRa execs, Scarlet, they raze the town of Corel to the ground because of an accident at one of the plants. The end result: Barret loses an arm to the ShinRa soldiers, loses his wife to the fire, and loses a friend to a fall down a ravine.

But no villianous corporation would ever be so devious as to design one of the most devious, insidious, and vile traps ever concocted in an RPG: The World's Longest Flight of Stairs!

A corporation this evil MUST be in this list, plain and simple. 

But that opens us up for the top villian in the Final Fantasy series...

#1: Kefka (Final Fantasy VI)

• Major Crimes: Arson, Assassination, Deicide, Genocide, Murder, Slavery, Terrorism
• Minor Offenses: Being a damn CLOWN!

Don't let the face paint and coloful clothes fool you. Beneath the creepy clown exterior is a man that has clearly gone insane. This is the ONLY VILLIAN on the list that has not only set goals of world domination, but accomplished them to such a degree that the citizens in Final Fantasy VI could only wish that the original villians of the game wre back in power.

He started off slow, playing the henchman to Emperor Gestahl. Using a Slave Crown, he forces the main character, Terra, to do the bidding of the Empire. From there, he sets fire to Figaro Castle and moves to assault Doma. When the people of Doma seem to hold out too long for his liking, the clown turns to more insidious methods in order to take the castle...

Killing soldiers, kings, women, and children isn't enough for him. Going along with a plan created by Emperor Gestahl, they find and kill all of the Espers that attacked Vector, using their powers along with those of the Warring Triad to raise the Floating Continent. Confronted by the heroes, Kefka makes his move.

When he moved those statues, he set off a chain reaction in the world that changed it from this...

To this...

Kefka did what no other villian in the Final Fantasy series can say they've done: Completely ruled the world and achieved godhood. So take a bow, Kefka! You're at the top of the list!

Oh. And for you Sephiroth fanboys out there...

Mayu and Mio Amakura

There are many legends about Minakami Villiage, also known as "All God's Village". The most common say that in a single night, it and all of its inhabitants vanished without a trace. The spot where the village is known to have stood is covered by a thick fog, and people who get lost in the forests surrounding the village are said to be spirited away, never to be seen again.

Before the Minikami Dam was built, twin sisters wandering the forests discovered the village. They are known as the only ones to have discovered All God's Village and to return. That's not to say that the discovery didn't leave them changed, the most obvious result of their visit being the bandage Mio wears over her eyes, as an encounter in the village left her permanently blinded. Neither wishes to speak of their experiences in the village, and if pressed about what happened, they quickly become aggressive.

The twins travel together, keeping to themselves for the most part. When encountered, Mio and Mayu can be found holding each other's hand to make sure that Mio doesn't trip over anything. Mayu does walk with a noticeable limp, oftentimes wearing a knee brace or bandaging on her right knee to help support the injury. They dress in a conservative fashion, usually wearing items that match what the other is wearing. A Crimson Butterfly is part of Mayu's dress in some way, while the color of Mio's clothing tends to be a bit muted. If the pair know they are going into combat, they both wear white kimonos with a red sash around the waist. As combat progresses, Mayu's kimono starts to slowly spot red with blood, whether she's been in melee combat or not.

In combat, the two are fierce opponents, spending their opening actions placing their Warlock's Curse on their opponents, then peppering them with spells from afar before moving to gain concealment from their Shadow Walk ability. The pair try to focus on one opponent at a time, either immobilizing them to lessen the threat from that particular foe or subduing him with The twins try to stay within ten squares of each other to make sure Mio gains the benefit from Mayu's Shrine Charm. If Mayu is somehow immobilized or drops to 0 HP, Mio loses the benefit, slowing her own speed by half and giving all of her opponents total concealment. Should the battle start to turn against them, Mio will get as close to her sister as she can while Mayu uses Mire the Mind, granting them invisibility to their target while they make their escape.

Mayu Amakura
Mio Amakura

Crossover: Blood Elves Invade Dungeons and Dragons

BLOOD ELF HISTORY

Long ago the exiled high elves landed on the shores of Lordaeron. They struck out to find a new home, and after many battles with the trolls, established the kingdom of Quel'Thalas. Using a vial of sacred water stolen from the first Well of Eternity, the high elves created a fount of mystical power at a convergence of ley energies in Quel'Thalas. They named this fountain the Sunwell. Its potent arcane magic fed and strengthened the high elves, and soon the wondrous city of Silvermoon was established.

Protected by a magical barrier, the high elves enjoyed peace for roughly four thousand years, but that peace was not meant to last. The Amani trolls gathered an immense army and assaulted the elven kingdom. Vastly outnumbered, the high elves hastily struck an alliance with the human nation of Arathor. The elves taught a small number of humans how to wield magic. In exchange the humans aided the elves in destroying the trolls' power base forever. Over the following years the high elves returned to their reclusive ways, but during the Third War, the diabolical Prince Arthas Menethil brought battle once again to their doorstep. Arthas required the power of the Sunwell to revive the necromancer Kel'Thuzad and raise him as a lich. He invaded Quel'Thalas and wiped out most of its population. In the end, even King Anasterian Sunstrider lay dead.

Additionally it became clear that the high elves had become addicted to the Sunwell's arcane energies. Now that the source of their magic was gone, the few remaining high elves quickly grew ill and apathetic. Prince Kael'thas, last of the royal line, returned from his studies in Dalaran to find Quel'Thalas in ruins. Thirsting for vengeance, he gathered the survivors, renamed them blood elves, and took a group of the strongest fighters to join Lordaeron's campaign against the Scourge.

Due to human prejudice, Kael'thas was forced to accept the assistance of Lady Vashj and her reptilian naga. When the humans discovered that the blood elves had been working with the naga, Kael'thas and the others were imprisoned and condemned to death. Lady Vashj soon arrived to set them free, leading them through a portal and into the broken wastes of Outland. There, the elves met the one being capable of putting an end to their hunger: the renegade night elf/demon, Illidan Stormrage. Certain that the blood elves would die without Illidan's assistance, Kael'thas agreed to serve the Betrayer.

A lone representative, Rommath, was sent back to Azeroth with a message of hope for the blood elves remaining in Quel'Thalas: that one day Kael'thas would return to lead his people to paradise. Rommath had made great progress in teaching the blood elves advanced techniques to manipulate arcane energies. With renewed purpose, the blood elves have rebuilt the city of Silvermoon, though it is powered by volatile magics. Emboldened by the promise of Kael'thas' return, the weary citizens of Quel'Thalas now focus on regaining their strength, even as they forge a new path into an uncertain future. (Source)

PHYSICAL QUALITIES

Males of the race are tall and slender, standing above the average human, and characterized by a lean, athletic musculature, making them seem somewhat thin when compared to larger races such as orcs. Females stand somewhat shorter, just above a human male in height, and have slender, delicate builds. They have a wide range of hair colours spanning from charcoal black to nearly white and a spectrum of skin colours ranging from pale to tan to ruddy. Blood elves have very long and thin ears, however their ears differ greatly from a night elves. The ears of a blood elf point vertically, whereas a night elf's ears point behind them. Blood elves also have eyebrows that extend well off of their face like whiskers. Both males and females are what would typically be considered exceptionally beautiful, with chiseled, refined features; males can also sport some facial hair, in the form of goatees. Their eyes glow green due to the influence of the fel energies they turned to with the destruction of the Sunwell. (Source)

BLOOD ELVES IN DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS

Blood elves can slip into a Dungeons and Dragons campaign by adding them simply as another type of elf (a magic-addicted branch of elves, but elves all the same).

You can also say that the original blood elves were created by a coupling of an evil elf and a demon (explaining their glowing eyes).

Or they can be used as invaders from another plane (Outland, perhaps) searching for lands to conquer for Kael'thas (and Illidan, by proxy).

RACIAL TRAITS

• Average Height: 5' 3" - 5' 9"
• Average Weight: 125 -165 lbs.
• Ability Scores: +2 Dexterity, +2 Intelligence
• Size: Medium
• Speed: 6 squares
• Vision: Low-light

• Languages: Common, Elven
• Skill Bonus: +2 Arcana, +2 History
• Arcane Affinity: Component costs for the enchant magic item ritual reduced by 10%.
• Magic Resistance: +1 racial bonus to any defense vs. powers with the Arcane descriptor.
• Arcane Torrent: You can use arcane torrent as an encounter power.

Lia Darkstone, Darkstone Clan Emissary

Lia has been with the Darkstone Clan from the very beginning, having been rescued by the clan's founder Andreas Darkstone over ten years ago during a raid on a town he was passing through. Without a home or family to call her own, she looked to Andreas as a father. She took up the path of the wizard quickly and learned the skills to be a diplomat for the clan, helping negotiate any disputes that might have erupted as the clan traveled.

With the passing of Andreas, Lia had expected herself to be the new leader, but instead finds herself again second-in-command to his son, Arjhan. She secretly despises the fact that she must follow his orders, but does so out of respect.

Whenever the Darkstone Clan plans on making camp for an extended period of time, Lia is the first to enter town (under the effects of a Disguise Self spell), speaking with whoever may be in charge to allay their fears. Anyone who would come to their camp would also meet Lia first before they're ever allowed into the camp proper.

Lia will try to get enemies grouped together for some of her more damaging spells like Blood Pulse and Fire Shroud. Should someone get too close to her, she'll use her Infernal Wrath racial (empowered with the Ferocious Rebuke and Fiery Rebuke feats) to push them back and deal a hefty amount of damage. Groups that approach her end up being easy targets for her Thunderwave spell, throwing them back to allow her breathing room. If the battle is going poorly, she'll use her Soul Burn power to gain back her Blood Pulse, laying in more damage to her foes.

Lia Darkstone, Darkstone Clan Emissary